I’ve lived my life with the expectation that I was meant for bigger and better things; meant for more than a mediocre life, simply due to the struggles I have faced. I felt that the universe OWED my a good future because I handled my past without complaint. In my absence from posting, I’ve realized that the universe isn’t fair and so it doesn’t pay its debts.
I am not owed a good life, but I’m going to make damn sure I cultivate one.
When I started this blog it was for myself. I wanted to create a space for my personal growth and expression, and for the first few posts I made it was a success. I felt motivated and free; awakened. I encouraged feedback from my fellow bloggers, but the more people that started to read and appreciate my posts, the more unsure I became of my voice. The more excuses I made for not posting.
The truth is, I started to wonder what would happen if I posted about the “wrong” thing or something uninteresting. The thoughts I wanted to translate to the page were drowned by my obsession to make my readers happy. That was my fatal mistake. I’d allowed myself to fall into a trap of forgetting who my blog was for and what my blog was about. I lost my voice, and anyone can tell you that it isn’t easy to go from mute to talkshow host.
My blog is about my thoughts and explorations into topics and aspects of my life and will evolve as I evolve. My blog is to make me happy first, and my readers satisfied second.
In my absence I’ve realized that in order to develop into someone worth reading, I need to develop myself first and so my blog needs to remain for me first before it can be for others.
I’m back with a vengeance, and I won’t allow myself to be the nail in my own coffin.